Your action RP fails, other than that, your biography is fine. O.o
Much better than coby's.
Just please, please, please, please, please.. this is coming from an RP mode..
Stop with the add-ons, the here, now, then, hard, soft, all that bullcrap on your action lines.
Keep it nice and simple, there is no need to lengthen your lines with needless shit.
Yours:
- I run with speed here then -
- Running too this man with great speed now -
-A s i strike him hard then now -
- As i hit him ehre hard -
- As he falls their now -
- i run fast circles around him ehre then -
- Causing him to not breathe well now -
- I choke him here hard now -
- As he falls their now -
- As he hits the floor hard then now -
- Hitting it with his head here then nwo -
- I stop running around him ehre then -
- As he closes his eyes ehre now -
- as he dies their now -
- dead -
Mine:
-Dashes off towards your body-
-Strikes my hand into your chest area-
-Your body flies to the ground, due to the force-
-Runs around you, causing a rapid air current-
-The air is sapped from aruond you as I run-
-You lose oxygen and stop breathing-
-You fall to the ground, incapacitated-
-Fight over-
o.o easy.